Selflessly: Growth

This summer is quite frankly the best ever. I haven't visited many places nor been to tons of exciting escapes but I am most grateful of the shells that I got rid of. Has much of you should know I was experiencing a hard time from the end of my Spring semester and into the Summer. See Suicide and Me at Freda Fro I had been praying to God and started trying to gain a greater connection through the word. I had still been struggling with the plague of depression and confided in two friends of the problem. It was great talking about it but that didn't let it go. I was hopeful that at least one of my summer applications would get approved for me to get a job where I could channel all my stress into something good. And it did. I was recalled to the entity that I had worked with the year prior and it was a good 5 weeks. They have a Summer school programme and that was the most fulfilling part for me. I got to showcase my creativity and test it has well. I got so many nicknames at work; Whoopi (because of my hair), Mrs Catalogue (because of my work in the catalogue room), and Creative (loads of art work for summer programme). Mind you last year I tried to shy away from cataloging as much as I could because I hated it so much. Drastic change to becoming a pro even though I still hated it but I had all that energy I needed to get rid of. At the end of the programme I felt loads better and was ready to take on anything at that point. At the end of the job I started to feel tormented again.. My parents have not been on a mutual ground even after the divorce and it's been a while in addition to being in the middle since forever. It was literally driving me crazy. I've seen in life that not getting over the past will rotten your mental and physical space and I dont want that for my life.

Fear, Limits and Depression

Summer is here and guess who's on a break? This guy! Exams are done, no more assignments (for now) and I can put my feet up and relax. (say relax slowly) I've been home for about a week and indeed I haven't done anything much. But, one thing is apparent my mind is not on a vacation. With nothing to do it becomes almost mandatory for one to think about everything. Last summer I had done my self diagnosis that I was struggling with depression and sought to drown myself into doing work for the blog. Now back to this time I am striving not to be drawn into it once more. Nevertheless, the last few days my mind has been plagued with my shortcomings, fears and the goals I hadn't been placing any effort into.

Health, Hair and Happiness: May Newsletter

Good morning gentle people!

Selflessly: Growth

10 Random Facts and Blog Award

So I get up on hurr today and see that Chari D nominated me for two blog awards: Shine on and Sunshine award. Then I was like WOOT... Firstly, thank you for getting me all hyped up tonight. Check out her blog and awesome photos.

Original Piece: Forever being Renewed

Let's just say it's a condition
Standing here along these behavioural walls
kneeling up with a display of comfort but supposedly restrained.
Each day I meet a blank slate that thinks little of his or herself and I remember; myself.
Remember the days and nights of the marriage held by me and him
How he constricted and ruled me has his puppet
A mere slave to his darkness, yet I was uncomfortably contempt
Early, early deprived of innocence and the rites of fatherhood.
Witness of splattered blood, yells more screams that kept my dreams sweet.

Dear God

So how do I begin this?

Hol Mi Close

 I haven’t written a Hol Mi Close post in a while and lately I’ve been caught up in stresses and in the inability to find something exciting or interesting to say. Most of you should know I’m in my second year in university and it has been a struggle. But this semester seemed to be the most stressful of the two previous semesters. I mentioned some time or the other that I made a change from psychology and I’m now pursuing teaching. However, the transition was difficult and still is no matter how I try to indulge myself in it. I found myself not performing has I used to or how I should have been. I spent time mourning over my decision. I moved from my old apartment and got another roommate. I thought we could never live together, much less become close friends. Turned out we were quite the same in numerous ways. I suppressed a lot of my problems and slowly they were causing me breakdowns more than I could manage. I found myself becoming bulimic but it wasn’t a continuous practice. It was those varying moments were I felt that I could not hold up anymore. But it was on of those nights in the bathroom that I asked myself what does God think of what I'm doing. How can I try to be an inspiration or example to others when I find the unhealthy roots to becoming healthy?

Selflessly: Working on Perfection bombarded by "Flaws"

A large quantity of my life was spent pondering upon my real purpose in life. I know I'm destined for greatness, I know I'm no ordinary individual yet I still ponder upon my instructed purpose. One day while browsing through Encarta I found the word Psychology and immediately found myself intrigued by the term. That very night eyes stapled to the computer screen I mentally concluded I wanted to be a Psychologist. By the time I was fourteen I was already participating in assessing and answering sociological and psychological questions on Yahoo answers. I had found my calling, a destiny as a matter of fact, my destiny. I had countless encounters with friends and schoolmates who didn't truly know what field they wanted to pursue for the rest of their lives. I'd stand or sit there in absolute confusion as to how or why they hadn't figured that situation out. I was sad for them. But thankful that I knew what I wanted to do.

Original Piece: Never stolen but taken Home

                                               

Death has a time to steal us away, steal us and carry us away

But one who was molded and shaped in Christ’s divine was never stolen, but simply taken home.

Here on this day, our eyes and hearts are flushed with tears for a life of which is seen as gone

But smile on, as her spirit is still alive, she’s elevated, gently uplifted in the Father’s hand.

Selflessly: Destruction

As a child I struggled the most when it came onto accepting myself and also being myself. I always wanted to be like this person or that person, but never truly, me. I never thought I was pretty enough or cool enough to accomplish certain tasks and as such I never even tried. In my previous years I used to say, 'I'm an ugly duckling that turned into a swan.' Bwoy! When I sit and remember all the foolishness I had taught and convinced myself as a teen I cringe.

Selflessly: In the eyes of the beholder

Have you ever had all the thoughts in your head with little or no way to express? As though you can't get the thoughts out? It's almost has though they are stuck in storage. This happens to me ever so often. On to the purpose of this post.

Lately, I've been taking pictures and having my picture taken and examining myself. I looked at a few of the photos and thought; that girl can be anything that she desires to be. But, stepping back into myself I couldn't cultivate the thought. My mind was puzzled at my very own actions. It almost appears that I see more potential in the girl within the pictures than the real individual.

Hol Mi Close

For the last few months I've been irritated, frustrated, confused and angry. The decision of what to do as a career choice was really getting to me and I was almost completely fed up. One minute it would appear as though I was closer to the designated choice and then something happened to bring me back to the state of confusion. If you saw my quick Hilow then as noted you would have seen that I wasn't doing so well. I believe it was all the stress I was under that caused it.