Fear, Limits and Depression

Summer is here and guess who's on a break? This guy! Exams are done, no more assignments (for now) and I can put my feet up and relax. (say relax slowly) I've been home for about a week and indeed I haven't done anything much. But, one thing is apparent my mind is not on a vacation. With nothing to do it becomes almost mandatory for one to think about everything. Last summer I had done my self diagnosis that I was struggling with depression and sought to drown myself into doing work for the blog. Now back to this time I am striving not to be drawn into it once more. Nevertheless, the last few days my mind has been plagued with my shortcomings, fears and the goals I hadn't been placing any effort into.

Original Piece: Forever being Renewed

Let's just say it's a condition
Standing here along these behavioural walls
kneeling up with a display of comfort but supposedly restrained.
Each day I meet a blank slate that thinks little of his or herself and I remember; myself.
Remember the days and nights of the marriage held by me and him
How he constricted and ruled me has his puppet
A mere slave to his darkness, yet I was uncomfortably contempt
Early, early deprived of innocence and the rites of fatherhood.
Witness of splattered blood, yells more screams that kept my dreams sweet.

Hol Mi Close

 I haven’t written a Hol Mi Close post in a while and lately I’ve been caught up in stresses and in the inability to find something exciting or interesting to say. Most of you should know I’m in my second year in university and it has been a struggle. But this semester seemed to be the most stressful of the two previous semesters. I mentioned some time or the other that I made a change from psychology and I’m now pursuing teaching. However, the transition was difficult and still is no matter how I try to indulge myself in it. I found myself not performing has I used to or how I should have been. I spent time mourning over my decision. I moved from my old apartment and got another roommate. I thought we could never live together, much less become close friends. Turned out we were quite the same in numerous ways. I suppressed a lot of my problems and slowly they were causing me breakdowns more than I could manage. I found myself becoming bulimic but it wasn’t a continuous practice. It was those varying moments were I felt that I could not hold up anymore. But it was on of those nights in the bathroom that I asked myself what does God think of what I'm doing. How can I try to be an inspiration or example to others when I find the unhealthy roots to becoming healthy?

Selflessly: In the eyes of the beholder

Have you ever had all the thoughts in your head with little or no way to express? As though you can't get the thoughts out? It's almost has though they are stuck in storage. This happens to me ever so often. On to the purpose of this post.

Lately, I've been taking pictures and having my picture taken and examining myself. I looked at a few of the photos and thought; that girl can be anything that she desires to be. But, stepping back into myself I couldn't cultivate the thought. My mind was puzzled at my very own actions. It almost appears that I see more potential in the girl within the pictures than the real individual.