Kurly Feature: Elvy Soltau

Hol Mi Close

 I haven’t written a Hol Mi Close post in a while and lately I’ve been caught up in stresses and in the inability to find something exciting or interesting to say. Most of you should know I’m in my second year in university and it has been a struggle. But this semester seemed to be the most stressful of the two previous semesters. I mentioned some time or the other that I made a change from psychology and I’m now pursuing teaching. However, the transition was difficult and still is no matter how I try to indulge myself in it. I found myself not performing has I used to or how I should have been. I spent time mourning over my decision. I moved from my old apartment and got another roommate. I thought we could never live together, much less become close friends. Turned out we were quite the same in numerous ways. I suppressed a lot of my problems and slowly they were causing me breakdowns more than I could manage. I found myself becoming bulimic but it wasn’t a continuous practice. It was those varying moments were I felt that I could not hold up anymore. But it was on of those nights in the bathroom that I asked myself what does God think of what I'm doing. How can I try to be an inspiration or example to others when I find the unhealthy roots to becoming healthy?

Selflessly: Working on Perfection bombarded by "Flaws"

A large quantity of my life was spent pondering upon my real purpose in life. I know I'm destined for greatness, I know I'm no ordinary individual yet I still ponder upon my instructed purpose. One day while browsing through Encarta I found the word Psychology and immediately found myself intrigued by the term. That very night eyes stapled to the computer screen I mentally concluded I wanted to be a Psychologist. By the time I was fourteen I was already participating in assessing and answering sociological and psychological questions on Yahoo answers. I had found my calling, a destiny as a matter of fact, my destiny. I had countless encounters with friends and schoolmates who didn't truly know what field they wanted to pursue for the rest of their lives. I'd stand or sit there in absolute confusion as to how or why they hadn't figured that situation out. I was sad for them. But thankful that I knew what I wanted to do.

Selflessly: Destruction

As a child I struggled the most when it came onto accepting myself and also being myself. I always wanted to be like this person or that person, but never truly, me. I never thought I was pretty enough or cool enough to accomplish certain tasks and as such I never even tried. In my previous years I used to say, 'I'm an ugly duckling that turned into a swan.' Bwoy! When I sit and remember all the foolishness I had taught and convinced myself as a teen I cringe.

Selflessly: In the eyes of the beholder

Have you ever had all the thoughts in your head with little or no way to express? As though you can't get the thoughts out? It's almost has though they are stuck in storage. This happens to me ever so often. On to the purpose of this post.

Lately, I've been taking pictures and having my picture taken and examining myself. I looked at a few of the photos and thought; that girl can be anything that she desires to be. But, stepping back into myself I couldn't cultivate the thought. My mind was puzzled at my very own actions. It almost appears that I see more potential in the girl within the pictures than the real individual.