Thursday, 6 June 2013

Original Piece: Before I Self Destruct

Before I self destruct, I must thank you for the virtue of 
which you fondled with.
Your incompetence of being an old man got the best of you and here you are trying;
a child's virtue
How proud you must feel of this victory tremendous
Not yet a woman but you boast of your flirtation with her clitoris
Embraced her with hands afflicted with darkness and dirtiness.
But, before I self destruct here's her mistrust
Gained access into her life, cloaked her like a butterfly, sang her a lullaby and rockabye has your hands accidently said hello, to her innocent virtue.
Engaged ignition, engrossed in confusion as she set her time for a mentally malfunctioned distribution.

Your hands haunted her and her brokenness became your virgin
Deprived of an innocence that once was undeserving
Undeserving to whom you might ask, but I'd rather your conscience be the judge of your consequence.
I could only assume it was ignorance that got the best of you.
But I'm puzzled at how you professed;
you'd always protect her.
Let us all applause for you succeeded at protecting her and fearlessly boasted; as you ripped and left her wounded.
Ten years pass with the memory of your existence almost completely dissolved from her body
Physically, spiritually and mentally she's grown
Yet, still she sweats praying for the day she can truly forgive you
That day approaches slowly, and she thanks God for all the experiences she holds at her chest.
But, before my self destruction I must confess
She's gifted and impacted lives-selfless
Annihilation of self in five, four, three, two
but wait!
I've realized I don't have to die for her agony and pain.
For your unwanted touch as made her gain; 
self satisfaction, loving-kindness and grace.

Yulli Blue

It took me over a month to write this poem. The inspiration came blazing on March 25, 2013 but then the flame died out and I couldn't even create words to complete the piece. The surprizing thing about this piece is that I finished it in time for Child's Month here in Jamaica. May was Child's Month and it's basically a celebration of our children. Certain mannerisms are advocated to be expressed to children during this month and other projects are also included such as structural development of schools and such. When I finished the poem I was so excited as one it's the longest poem I have ever written, two I was just glad to not have another one of my unfinished projects sitting around and three it's about a real life story. Everytime I'd add a new line to the poem I'd read it to my mom; upon completion I read it again and she said the funniest and scariest thing to me. "Yuh jus a labour ova dis so."(no this isn't the funny/scary thing) while she sat on the step behind the house. She comes on the inside of the house and then says, "I hope dis anno bout you."(this is) When she said that I laughed and my heart skipped a beat at the same time. Before this blog I had a blog called Chronicles of Blue Gurl. I've grew out of that blog, attempted to maintain it but I was being pulled to something better. I mentioned earlier that this poem is about a real life story; want to hear the story? 

I had already "publicly" shed my skeleton in the blog world but I've been going through +Shanique Roca blog and a few of her recent posts brought back memories of my own life. Whenever you share something personal; you have the push-pull type of feeling where you're so happy that you could share your story to help someone else and then you're eyes want to fall out of your head because you just can't believe that you shared something like that. In a way I feel like I'm not bold enough to share my experience here and so I'd prefer to direct you to my story over there ------------------------------------------------> Read me But then again I've evolved past that old self and so I'd rather not contaminate the predestined improvements of my future being. I sound fancy don't I? Nicky Parker voice* Hey!
While doing my last Hol Mi Close post I was experiencing a headache during the composition but pushed through and now putting this post together I'm also experiencing a slight headache. Whenever I set out to do something selfless in the glory of God; the devil always attempts to provide some sort of discomfort or discouragement to what I need to do. In the name of Jesus I share this post with you all today and I pray that blessing, enlightenment, wisdom, and anointing will be bestowed unto you. We all struggle as human beings but I declare that it's not over unto God says it's over. Keep your head up.

Thank you so much for reading

God Bless you

Excerpt from Chronicles of Blue Gurl:
On the surface of this human being is a beautiful young woman. But beneath my blood, wires and screws; there is a heart that cannot move on. I never wear my emotions on my face and I smile to quench the tears that stain my eyes.