Tuesday, 4 June 2013

Hol Mi Close

It's been a quite a while since I've done one of these posts. I was gratering coconut for my mother on the verandah and listening to music. I started reflecting of the good and bad I've been through. Personally, I believe I've been through more than an average 20 year old should have experience but than again lots of stories for my grandchildren. This semester was much more difficult than last year; I did five classes and I did this religious course that was the most challenging of them all seeing that a few of the teachings contradicted with what I knew and my lecturer gave us a truck load of work in comparison to my friends who did the same course as I did but with another teacher. Honestly, there were days when I just gave up on the class and thought yeah man mi fail dis. I'm surrounded with coursework that needed to be completed and my finals didn't waste any time of me. I went into my email to see that four of my finals were back to back everyday at 8am. I saw the email and my heart fell and I felt overwhelmed. 

So from April 22-25 at 8 am I sat an exam. On the Tuesday (April 23) I was up late studying for Developmental Psychology (Dev. Psy.) with a housemate and decided to go to bed at midnight (I didn't go to bed). I went to my room and kept on studying; restarted my phone and a bunch of messages came in. A friend of mine sent me a message about this guy from high school. The thing about that message is that my mind didn't register it and I kept on studying until I went to bed. I'm sitting in my Dev Psy exam writing the last few lines to my essay and the message I received started to slowly process in my brain. I told myself that wasn't the goal right now, finished my exam, left the exam room and went home. I read the text again and realized that a friend of mine had committed suicide. Immediately I called my mom and she told me that they weren't sure if it was true and that I was not to focus on that now because of my exams. But it wasn't until I went on twitter and saw a comment about him that I didn't like that the truth started to sink in. I call my mother again to find out that yes my friend Jahvon had killed himself. I removed the phone from my ears, give out a loud cry and the tears couldn't stop from flowing beneath my eyes. My roommate jumped from her bed to ask me what was wrong but the words couldn't escape from my mouth. I calmed down that Wednesday evening and I gazed off into space unable to concentrate on the exam I had the following day (Foundations of Counseling). I sat on the floor in my room looking into the deepest texture of the ceiling. I skimmed through the pages of my notebook and textbook. Then called it a night. It's time for my exam, sat in my seat waiting for my paper and the text message and twitter comment kept ringing in my mind. It was absolutely a difficult paper, there was a time when I threw my head down on the table almost in defeat. I rose my head and openly said I'm not failing this exam. Went through the paper did the best I could, then left the exam room. These two course were the most tedious of this semester but I passed them. The one I'm most proud of is Foundations of Counseling I got an A- for that course. God is good.  I've been hit from left to right. Constantly being spiritually tested. Remember that poem I wrote called Spiritual Battles. The battle is definitely real. After I wrote that poem every form of hardship started to come my way. Sickness, frustration, confusion, mockery, embarrassment. Time is changing and sometimes it might seem unbelieveable to believe in a God who we can't see. I can't see him but I know he's there. I feel him ever near me and in my sorrow he comforts me. I thank God for these accomplishments and where he will keep taking me.
 " My God is awesome, He can move mountains keep me in the valley, hide my from the rain. My God is awesome heals me when I'm broken, strengthen where I've been weakened forever He will reign"