Post Graduate Depression- it's been sitting in my head for months. I know I should write about it but I just haven't had the energy to. I kept saying, tomorrow, tomorrow I'll do it. Then tomorrow never came. So, I'm making tomorrow, today.
According to We need to talk about Post Graduate Depression, " organizations identified that almost half of recent graduates believed their mental wellbeing had declined following university."
Post Graduate Depression is depression triggered by one's matriculation after post-secondary education. Like depression which is marked by intense sadness, lack of energy and interest; PGD takes the same form.
It all started off so wonderful. I was done with school, finally. I was relieved to be out. Freedom had come my way and I was ready for a break. Applying for jobs didn't seem so hard until the cards of rejection started to fill my pocket. Then it started. Extra mental exhaustion. I was merely pressing on because that's what I do best. Press. Surely, other things started to creep up on me- fatigue, anxiety, discouragement, indecisiveness, and fear.
What if questions plagued my mind and the way I had imagined life to be was not budding nor blooming. This was not what I had envisioned life after university to be.
It all started off so wonderful. I was done with school, finally. I was relieved to be out. Freedom had come my way and I was ready for a break. Applying for jobs didn't seem so hard until the cards of rejection started to fill my pocket. Then it started. Extra mental exhaustion. I was merely pressing on because that's what I do best. Press. Surely, other things started to creep up on me- fatigue, anxiety, discouragement, indecisiveness, and fear.
What if questions plagued my mind and the way I had imagined life to be was not budding nor blooming. This was not what I had envisioned life after university to be.
And that was a bitter pill to swallow.
I fell into not wanting to do anything because I didn't have the energy to. Feelings of frustration with my hair and being lazy with it. One point I stopped sending out applications too.
What was this feeling of fatigue that I couldn't shake?
This breaking down in tears for no apparent reason?
This being heartbroken when anyone asked if I had heard anything yet?
The, I feel stuck and I can't make my next move?
What is my next move?
Where was that grit I once had? To keep going when things didn't go right the first or second time.
I had sunken and planted myself home in a world of fear and Indecisiveness. And made it welcome in all facets of my living space.
But, do I live here or do I go?
But, do I live here or do I go?
I've experienced this... and oh boy can it really take you down emotionally and mentally
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what all of that and more feels like... all the what ifs and why me. But I'm always comforted by the story of the bamboo.
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