Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Selflessly: Growth

This summer is quite frankly the best ever. I haven't visited many places nor been to tons of exciting escapes but I am most grateful of the shells that I got rid of. Has much of you should know I was experiencing a hard time from the end of my Spring semester and into the Summer. See Suicide and Me at Freda Fro I had been praying to God and started trying to gain a greater connection through the word. I had still been struggling with the plague of depression and confided in two friends of the problem. It was great talking about it but that didn't let it go. I was hopeful that at least one of my summer applications would get approved for me to get a job where I could channel all my stress into something good. And it did. I was recalled to the entity that I had worked with the year prior and it was a good 5 weeks. They have a Summer school programme and that was the most fulfilling part for me. I got to showcase my creativity and test it has well. I got so many nicknames at work; Whoopi (because of my hair), Mrs Catalogue (because of my work in the catalogue room), and Creative (loads of art work for summer programme). Mind you last year I tried to shy away from cataloging as much as I could because I hated it so much. Drastic change to becoming a pro even though I still hated it but I had all that energy I needed to get rid of. At the end of the programme I felt loads better and was ready to take on anything at that point. At the end of the job I started to feel tormented again.. My parents have not been on a mutual ground even after the divorce and it's been a while in addition to being in the middle since forever. It was literally driving me crazy. I've seen in life that not getting over the past will rotten your mental and physical space and I dont want that for my life.

Two days I walked around in my house being extremely irritated; thinking about how foolish my parents had been, how foolish I have been, how foolish people are, how people walk around in grown structures but with child-like mentalities. Irritated to the core. August 5 in the evening I was sitting at the table and it just happened that I started to level with my mother. We had a heart-heart. I asked her about her and my father, told her of how I was abused has a child and she was rather surprised. Took it way better that I had imagined she would. I always imagined the worse if I had told her but I'm very happy I did. It's a pillow of contentment that I'm sleeping on right now. It's taken years for me to get where I need to be and I'm still growing. August 6 rolled in the following day; Jamaica's Independence. On that day I celebrated my country's independence and my own.

Happy Growing
God bless you

Photo credits to Dwayne K Smith Photography