Sunday, 13 April 2014
Hilow! Gentle people
Hopefully all is well, I realized recently that I hadn't done an entry in my selfless journey since forever. This past year has been a definite struggle for me both psychologically and academically. I am still pursuing Teacher Education in a wobbling motion. I don't want to be doing it but I'm giving it what I got. I wasn't doing so great either health wise but I'm doing my best to take better care of myself.
If you all remember my selfless journey was to entail four different steps, so today's step is Growth. Never before had I contended that I wanted to go into photography has a model but rather I wanted to be a photographer. Since my mental struggles I've been questioning my competence at everything, even the things I knew I could accomplish. I've wondered whether I'd make it as a successful model, counselor, teacher, friend. I kept wrapping my head around how I couldn't do these things and not on what if you tried. I'd fallen back into a pessimistic version of me. I had become drained by all the people and things around that once had its appeal. No longer wanted to do the fun things; I used to be so eager to do. This sounded all too familiar, a bug called depression that had made an introduction to my life last Spring. I killed it by working and doing DYO projects. So ask me now what strategy I used this time? I had none, was away from home and felt more like a captive than anything. Being overwhelmed with every little thing that kept coming my way. How can you suggest any growth in this story?
This semester seems to be the hardest and everyone on campus can agree. How do I know this? Gangsta voice* Cuz I be in the streets an the people be talking. Can you imagine me as a gangsta? Anywho! I normally sit on the sidelines, hovering in the shadows to remain unseen but one day I saw an opportunity on instagram. +WonderCurl was seeking contributors to her newsletter and I decided to go ahead and email her in regards to being a contributor. I had forgotten about it has I hadn't gotten any response at the time. However, one day when I came home from school I saw that I had received an email from her. I was shocked and overly excited. Scarlett Rocourt (the Editor), myself and fellow contributors put together the fabulous April Newsletter. Remember I said I kept wondering if I could function as a model, I wonder if my glasses may prove to be a hindrance, can I do the right poses. Blah mental conflicts of how good I can or cannot be. I soon realized that when I stopped trying so hard and made things happen naturally they all played together. The picture above is an idea that Dwayne K Smith Photography and I had been trying to put together from last year. The concept was there but there was no definite idea of how it would be portrayed. (No I am not being paid to do this) Easter is coming up and we thought it would be fitting. In Jamaica, Easter, bun and cheese go hand in hand.
Even in my struggles many great things have been happening to me and so I am thankful that I am able to experience them. I am thankful for life and thankful for Christ dying on the cross. Many times we forget the real meaning of Easter, it's not just about eating but also about the greatest sacrifice offered onto us; which was salvation.
What are you thankful for?
Happy selfless journey