Let's just say it's a condition
Standing here along these behavioural walls
kneeling up with a display of comfort but supposedly restrained.
Each day I meet a blank slate that thinks little of his or herself and I remember; myself.
Remember the days and nights of the marriage held by me and him
How he constricted and ruled me has his puppet
A mere slave to his darkness, yet I was uncomfortably contempt
Early, early deprived of innocence and the rites of fatherhood.
Witness of splattered blood, yells more screams that kept my dreams sweet.
Life threatened by the only one I loved and abused by him who said he'd stay
Hopefully I'm creating vivid speculations, assumptions and confusion
Plagued by the self-fulfilling prophecy that my soul, I mean my self would be conceived into him.
Years walking alone in the physical but accompanied by two enemies
They were my demons, the one's who whispered softly and seduced my mental space to believe I stood, a failure
A failure to life, a failure to smile but definitely not a failure to die.
They wanted my blood as it was rich to them but fortunately in an unfortunate existence
There was already a plan for me.
A story already predestined, sealed, signed and copyrighted.
Composed a lucky night in February, illustrator Elohim, published and copyright
November 14, 1992.
Author God and subject Chevanne Smith
Open wounds stand visible but unseen to those who do not vividly see.
Reached the peak at 17 still filled with rage
But that smile perfectly concealed.
21 and I'm glad I'm past the life of relapse that once coated itself in my barbwire and blood.
No longer a pest to my skin as I have confessed my sins
Some openly to save the life of another and others between me and the Father
Surrounded by demons was once how I stood, enjoying the presence but still fearful
Now I stand as a child; selfless is the aim
Not a slave to green paper, status or a crown given by the world for them to take back
I'm continuously on a journey, forever being renewed
As I will not allow those voices to confuse, misuse or abuse this now shiny pearl.
I am a victim but also a victor, master of circumstance
Using these scars for good and I pray you can too
God bless you