Selfless journey you'll know about the misery and suffering I've been enduring and I'm most thankful of the support and encouragement that all of you have offered.
Anywho, on to the cream of the matter. In the next few weeks, God spare life I will be moving onto 21 years of age. Annually, when I think of the day and my life I ponder on how much I have achieved within this time. There are some days where I used to "mourn" over how much I hadn't utilized time. However, today as I write this post several weeks before my birthday I can proudly say that I have grown. I was a shy bug that literally had mini heart attacks whenever I was faced with socializing with other individuals. I had a fear of being known and occasionally knownaphobia reintroduces himself but he has no place or space in my heart or brain. I feared people's thoughts of me and would be crippled by those forces. I feared my inadequacies and capabilities. Additionally, I feared myself..
At 20 years of age I can say, yes sir, no doubt in my mind and I have accepted the intricacies of Blue. I am proud that I have utilized the "hurts" of my past and made them an element of my own advantage. I am elated when I can use my scares to heal the shattered wounds of another. I am overjoyed when someone says thank you for that; it really helped. In previous times I would have given God the side eye as to why I had to suffer and endure certain experiences in my life. However, with age comes wisdom they say and I'm actually proud of the experiences I hold at my chest. I'm past the life of regret and denial and continuously stand under the shower of healing. I still fear myself but only to an extent; however, that fear will soon it annihilated never ever to turn. He will gasp for air and struggle to stand at the end of this battle. For I will be the ultimate champion, long standing with the Father by my side. I'm much closer to God in these years than I have been before and that is indeed something to be absolutely grateful for. Some days I feel as though I constantly collapse against His will and way. But he always is ever present, ever near, never disappearing, always caring. He is my ladder, the water to my root, the leaves to stem, the light to my photosynthesis.
He is my growth.
Thanks for the love
God bless you