Wednesday, 15 May 2013

Rambled Frustrations


Almost my entire life I've contemplated what my purpose was for I was completely unaware. One of these nights I took up this notebook I used to write poems in during 2nd form and I was absolutely frightened by my expressions. I thought wow, I have definitely changed. Then I thought of sharing my previous work and those presently to see if others would notice the change but everything that was written was so dark and negative and I decided against it. So today I was sitting down, cutting up some coconut to make some Coconut Gizzadas and my mind went all over the place. Initially, I'd drawn the conclusion that I want to help people and went into college head strong on pursuing a degree in Psychology. I was in my first semester with people constantly "trying" to convince me about my career choice. Everywhere I turn people kept asking me about what I'll do after college for the job market for that field is scarce in Jamaica. Some then saw the need to recommend me going into a field that I have never found to be so me-teaching. A whole year and some of people filling my mind with their own thoughts: I'm a tad bit frustrated. Frustration a kill me- I feel like I'm back where I was as a teenager where as I don't know what I want to do anymore. Or maybe I do but frustration has clouded my judgment. I'm also frustrated with the news, I'm frustrated this world, I'm frustrated that this world is filled with so much chaos. I'm frustrated that we cannot be unified, I'm frustrated of my frustrations. I'm frustrated with my hair and feel like cutting it off. I'm frustrated with all my responsibilities as an "adult". I am sure that God has a plan for me and I have already seen many of those plans fulfilled, my only concern is my future and the path of which I must take.
Lord help me, I ask of you to help me.