Wednesday, 9 January 2013

Hol Mi Close

For the new year I wanted to include these series of posts called Hol Mi Close; where I speak of certain struggles I've faced and even those to come. I figure this would be a way for you all to get personal with me.

It was coming up to my final year in high school and it was preparation time for the school leaving exams (CSEC). It was around that very same time that I had innocently started to read horoscopes. I wanted to get the Star, Observer or any sort of reading material which featured horoscopes. This hobby soon exploded, and I found that I was yearning for something more. Soon enough, I found myself on the internet searching for horoscopes, viola. I found a site that gave me the opportunity to view days, weeks, months and even years ahead. I found it, I found satisfaction, I fed the craving. At the time it was November 2009 and I  decided hey, lets skip ahead to look at June 2010 (exam period). Long Pause* "Any upcoming exams you will be sitting, you're bound to fail."  Lo and behold my heart stopped, my eyes dried and the breath which kept me alive found it hard to escape. I sat there looking at the words and hoped it was a joke or even a dream. Those words kept floating in my head and I couldn't help but ponder the word, failure. Things went downhill from there; I stopped eating, didn't communicate much and dived head long into studying like my life depended on it (it did). I dropped a lot of pounds, so much that my collarbone and rib cage stood evident. I played the illusion that all was well, things were fine. Or so I thought. A brother at church pulled me aside one day and said, "yuh no look like u, wah happen?" Fear kindled me and I was caught off guard.
"How could he see past the illusion?" 
My brother sat me down and asked the question I feared everyone asked. Wah happen to yuh? After telling him the whole story he proceeded, "yuh a mad!" "yuh no kno sey a ppl mek up dem foolishness dei" He encouraged me to study and avoid the horoscopes. He hid any form of newspaper around the yard, but the voices kept telling me it wasn't worth the fight. I'd always be a failure. I was signed for eight subjects and I can proudly say I passed six. 

Whenever I sit and think about this I always find myself smiling. The devil tried to deprive me of a blessing that had already been set for me. 

Every struggle yields a blessing, I shared my story now share yours.

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